I don’t know about everyone else, but all this isolation has me feeling a little (okay, maybe a LOT) nutty. During the last few weeks, life has seemed upside down. Perhaps that is why I decided to make good on a challenge my son Adam gave me several years ago.
Through the years, I have told many family stories in Cooks’ Corner. However, there is one that I didn’t think I would ever relate here. Adam dared me to put it in my column, but I told him it wasn’t really appropriate. I have related the tale during some speaking engagements with permission from those who invited me to give a talk. I keep asking myself if I should tell it in this venue; my decision is based on the fact that we all could use a good laugh these days.
Although the cousin mentioned in the story is no longer living, I am abbreviating his name. This particular event took place in the mid-nineteen thirties.
Mom always said that Granny Grace (her mother) loved boys better than she did girls. Soon after Mom was born, her brother (who was quite a bit older than Mom) and his wife began their own family. They had a daughter when Mom was just shy of turning 4. Right before Mom’s fifth birthday along came their first son, “JJ.”
JJ was the apple of Granny Grace’s eye. Mom said that he often stood by her sewing machine watching her sew. He would start hopping up and down while mumbling, “Granny, kill a chicken.” The hopping would grow more intense, and his voice would get louder… “Granny, kill a chicken, Granny, kill a chicken!” JJ would repeat his order until Granny Grace left her sewing machine and prepared the chicken and dumplings he wanted so very badly.
Granny Grace and her sister Myrtle belonged to a ladies’ club. It was Granny Grace’s turn to be the hostess for an afternoon tea. As was the usual practice when they met at Grace’s house, my mother was the entertainment. Mom took elocution lessons (otherwise known as expression lessons); she memorized poetry and learned how to say it dramatically. There was a step-up into the kitchen from the dining room. It stuck out from the doorway enough for my mom to stand on as she recited her poems.
To get a correct picture, think of a bunch of polite society ladies sitting around the table for an afternoon social event. They were very entertained by my mom, who did an excellent job with her recitations. For some reason or other, JJ happened to be present that afternoon (he would have been somewhere between the ages of 4 and 6 years old). After my mother left her “stage,” JJ declared, “Granny, I know a poem, I know a poem!”
Granny Grace beamed with pride as her little darling stood before the ladies ready to say his piece. This is what he recited:
“As I was going upstairs to bed, I fell in the slop jar up to my head.
I couldn’t swim, I couldn’t float;
A great big t**d went down my throat.”
Aunt Myrtle was mortified. “Why, JJ! WHAT did you say?!!!”
JJ thought Aunt Myrtle had not heard him, so he repeated very loudly:
“As I was going upstairs to bed, I fell in the slop jar up to my head.
I couldn’t swim, I couldn’t float;
A great big t**d went down my throat.”
(For anyone who doesn’t know the meaning of “slop jar,” it is an object that was used by people without indoor toilets. It was a convenience during the night or in inclement weather, saving a trip to the outhouse.)
By the time Mom finished the repeat of JJ’s poem, my siblings and I would be laughing so hard that our sides hurt. The elocution lessons she learned so many years before served her well when she related family memories.
I hope no one is offended by this story. I hope it caused laughter. We all need ways to lighten up these times we are living in.
Maybe you are thinking, “She’s nuttier than a fruitcake,” and that’s okay because this is National Pecan Month. With that in mind, here are some recipes:
Pecan Chicken with Orange
6 boneless skinless chicken breast halves
2 tablespoons butter
3/4 cup orange juice
1/4 cup honey
2 tablespoons chopped onion
1/4 teaspoon pepper
Salt
Hot cooked rice
Sauce:
3 tablespoons water
1 tablespoon all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon grated orange peel
2 large oranges, peeled and sectioned (or use 1 large can Mandarin oranges, drained)
1 cup pecan pieces, finely chopped
In large skillet, brown chicken in butter on both sides. Add orange juice, honey, onion, and pepper. Season to taste with salt. Cover loosely and simmer for 20-30 minutes or until chicken is tender. Remove chicken from skillet; reserve drippings. Arrange chicken over rice; keep warm. For sauce, stir water into flour; blend well. Add to drippings and cook, stirring constantly, until thickened. Add orange peel and sections. Heat thoroughly. Immediately add pecans and spoon over chicken and rice.
Yield: 6 servings.
Pecan Vinaigrette
1/4 cup white wine vinegar
2 tablespoons Dijon mustard
2 garlic cloves
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon pepper
1 cup olive oil
1/4 cup chopped pecans, toasted
Process first 5 ingredients in blender until smooth, stopping to scrape down sides. Turn blender on high; gradually add oil in a slow, steady stream until thickened. Stir in pecans.
Peppered Pecans
2 tablespoons butter, melted
1 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
3/4 teaspoon apple pie spice
2 cups pecan halves
1/4 cup powdered sugar
Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Whisk together first 3 ingredients in a large bowl. Add pecans, stirring to coat. Spread nut mixture on a foil-lined jelly-roll pan. Bake at 300 degrees for 30 minutes or until toasted, stirring every 10 minutes. Let cool in pan on wire rack.
Return nuts to bowl; sprinkle with powdered sugar, tossing gently to coat.
Pecan Crescents
1 cup butter or margarine
1/2 cup confectioner’s sugar
2 teaspoon vanilla
1 cup finely chopped pecans
1-3/4 cups flour
Cream butter, confectioner’s sugar, and vanilla until light and fluffy; stir in pecans. Gradually stir in flour until well blended. Cover; chill 1 hour or until firm enough to handle. Divide dough in 8 equal pieces. On lightly floured board roll each piece in 1/2-inch wide ropes. Cut in 1-3/4-inch lengths; taper ends, then shape in crescents. Place 1 inch apart on ungreased baking sheets. Bake in preheated 300-degree oven 18 to 20 minutes or until light golden and firm to touch. While warm, roll in granulated sugar. Place on racks to cool. Makes 60.