It is the day after Christmas. My outdoor thermometer registers fifteen degrees. What I really would like to do is curl up in my recliner with a good book to read and a warm cat on my lap. However, I feel a calling to write, and I cannot ignore the Lord’s prompting.
I have a story to tell; it is not one that I am proud of, yet the Lord taught me such a lesson through my circumstance. I hope that the telling of it will be an encouragement to others.
During the summer of 2013 my son Adam, his wife, Candice, and their son, Liam (2 at the time), moved into a nice, new (for them) home. They had lived about four hours away from me; this move added even more time to the trip between my house and theirs. Excited about the new place, Candice declared she was not moving again for a very long time, if ever.
The Ray family’s new location had many benefits; one of them was being in close proximity to my late husband’s older sister and her husband. Mike and Lyna enjoyed time spent with Adam and his family, and they loved little Liam to pieces. Their own grandchildren were several years older, and it was fun to have a toddler around again.
Although I am painting a wonderful picture of Adam and his family in Missouri, there was a problem back in Indiana, and it was me and my attitude. I must admit that I was very jealous of the time Adam and his family spent with Mike and Lyna. I had lost my husband to cancer the previous October. My oldest son, Jonathan, lived an hour away, and my other two children lived between four and five hours away, although they were not that far from each other. Maggie, my daughter Molly’s oldest child, resided with her dad a few hours in a different direction.
All I could think of in regards to the Missouri situation was the fact that Mike and Lyna had been able to watch their own grandchildren grow up and now they were getting to see mine do the same thing. I remember telling the Lord – with a whole lot of whine – that it was not fair. I had four grandchildren at that time and did not live close to any of them. Vivian was the nearest, but the route between my house and hers included I-465 around Indianapolis, and I do not like to drive on busy highways. All the traffic is quite stressful, and I would rather avoid it if possible.
As He tends to do, the Lord went to work on my attitude. He reminded me of how much I had missed having any family near me during all the years I lived in Indiana (I grew up in Tennessee, and my family lives there). He showed me that I should appreciate the fact that Adam, Candice, and Liam had family close by. He softened my hardened heart and brought me to my knees in gratitude. I began to thank Him for Mike and Lyna’s willingness to include my son and his family in their lives. What was once a source of envy became a true blessing.
The Lord had more in store for me than developing a submissive and grateful heart. About three or four months after moving into their new home in Missouri, a business opportunity brought Adam’s family back to Indiana. I have to say that it was a complete shock when I learned about it, especially since they had been so happy in their new home in Missouri. I rejoiced in the fact that Liam was going to live much closer to his Grammie. However, I knew that God had worked a real change in my heart when I felt sad knowing that Mike and Lyna would miss having him and his parents nearby.
I learned so much from my Father’s discipline. For some reason, it reminds of my husband, Bob, declaring to one of our children, “I could just jerk a knot in your tail!” He would say this when they had done something which displeased him. My jealousy displeased the Lord, and He “jerked a knot” in my tale of woe and changed it into a story of gratitude instead.
When my source of envy became a reason to be thankful, God gave me a desire of my heart – to be pleasing to Him. Although I was thrilled when Adam and his family moved back to Indiana, the real joy came from confessing my sin to the Lord and allowing Him to change my thought process along with my attitude.
Why is it that we like to hang on to bad attitudes? They become a comfort zone for us; we seem to feel that if we let go of them, we will lose a part of “who we are.” In reality, when we allow the Lord to work in our lives the way He wants to, “who we are” becomes much more like who He wants us to be. And that should be our goal in the first place.
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart
And do not lean on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He will make your paths straight.” Proverbs 3:5-6 NASB
“Delight yourself in the Lord; And He will give you the desires of your heart.” Psalm 37:4 NASB